Love and Money

"If you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can't buy." - a proverb

Today is my anniversary with Jeanine. We are not married, but if we were then the gift today would be crystal. However, my relationship is yet to be validated by our loving government and crystal (in my opinion) is a waste of money.

Which brings me to today’s topic… what does money mean in a relationship? More than most people think.

“Few couples, especially in the early years of marriage, are independently wealthy. That means a lot of decisions must be made in relationship to money. Some potentially volatile questions pertaining to a couple's finances include:

1. Who earns the money, one or both?
2. How will the money be spent?
3. Who will manage the checkbook?
4. What is each person's attitude about credit spending?
5. How much should be saved?
6. Should the couple buy a house, or rent?
7. What is communal property and what belongs to each?

These questions are only examples of the kinds of financial issues with which married couples have to struggle. According to marriage counselors, conflict over money is one of the primary reasons given by couples for seeking professional help. Serious conflict may be avoided, however, if attitudes and philosophies about finances are clearly communicated prior to marriage, and continually during the marriage.”

There is a cost to love. In my relationships, No 2 has always been the important one... how will the money be spent? I saw this conflict between my parents. I wish they had been able to show me that striking a balance between saving and spending is the best way to live comfortably within one's means. Their inability to achieve this for themselves - my mother thought my father didn't earn enough money, my father thought my mother spent too much money - resulted in a lot of tension in the house when I was growing up.

So in my relationship with Jeanine, money issues have never been about who makes more but rather the philosophy around how we spend it. As with all relationship issues, this is one that requires communication because two people will never have the exact same view. I cringe when she impulsively tosses the People magazine in the shopping cart at the check out stand ($3.99 and a complete waste of money when you can read it for free at the salon during the overpriced haircut). But DO I take it out of the cart and return it to the rack. No, of course not. That would make me a control freak and I'm not. Instead, I smile and later watch her enjoy it cover to cover. Then I read it too.

Spending money is really just a series of choices and for the most part, we see eye-to-eye in this area which is really very important in the health of our "marriage". They say opposites attract but when it comes to money find someone with similar views. It will make for many happy anniversaries. I'm having one today!